Idle Minds...

Hello readers. So once again it's Monday. Once again, I'm done with my work and I'm bored. It feels great to be done with all my reports. It sucks when they're all done before work hours actually start. On Mondays, we have a staff meeting at 10 and classes start at 11:10. That means that from 8-10 I'm supposed to be doing my office work. Now, when I take Access, I get here at 7 something. By the time 8 o'clock hits, I'm done. Today there was a glimmer of hope because we had an extra medical certification thing for seizure training that was supposed to start at 9:30. Well, that was canceled and we're back to 10 o'clock. So I guess I'll update you on my doings since Tuesday. Wednesday and Thursday don't seem all that memorable. I worked of course. I know Thursday I was hanging out with Ana and watching some really depressing homicide show. I don't think Ana liked it either. My-key had put it on and for some reason, Ana decided not to change it until much later even though she kept saying how depressing it was. It was interesting to learn how the detectives solved their cases, but some of the cases were just awful and I'm sure they were worse for sighted people watching. Oh. Thursday was also the day I discovered the Jedi religion. First, I must point out that I'd known about it, but I thought it was strictly part of Britain. I didn't think America had one and was shocked to find that two of the main ones were in Texas and Oklahoma. Sorry to backtrack, but I remember Wednesday. The Rhui class at my house was going on and I was talking to Tasha. Anyway, this Jedi thing fascinated me because for many years I used to consider myself among the Jedi. Of course, this was all role play. I went by the name Anne for many years because it was short for Anna-Gon Jinn. It was Anne so as not to confuse the Earthlings. I probably should stop. Someone who finds this who isn't my friend would think I should be committed. LOL. Now it's more of a harmless role playing game Tasha and I still play. We tend to mix characters from current events, Harry Potter, Star Wars of course, and then we make up random people. Since all of you know me, don't worry. I'm NOT changing religions again. While I believe there is a Force, I believe it came from God and that is very different from what the Jedi believe. They don't worship it, but in a lot of cases, they believe that there is no God. Anyway, on to other things. Friday was work again followed by Ruhi class. It was a lot of fun. Of course, I don't think I've ever been to a Ruhi class where there wasn't an element of fun and socialization, but I really like going to Joe and allison's house. I enjoyed it a lot this time. It was a very open conversation where we all felt comfortable sharing our true feelings. I took Access home and whet straight into my room. I wanted to check my e-mail and I was really tired. Saturday was the teachers' reflection gathering and Children's Theatre Company. I was at the Baha'i Center from 11 to 6:30 or 7. I don't remember the exact time. Then Kristin and I got to go to see Allison and Louis for dinner. We went home and did emotional freedom tapping which is really interesting. She also told me about some other methods for healing something. It was really fascinating. We talked about a lot of stuff. I was grateful to have the time. Sunday we went to worship and choir rehearsal at the Baha'i Center. I sang "In The Garden" and people liked it. I guess nobody noticed my voice trying to crack on the low notes. LOL. After that, we went to an Indian market and bought some food and took it to Allison's house and we all had a late lunch/dinner. Then we went home and had an amazing devotional. First, I was so excited because three people outside of ourselves came. We said prayers for the country. It was an amazing shift of energy. It was around the whole house. I don't remember being on that much of an emotional high since becoming Muslim. It's interesting seeing that I'm not Muslim that I'd say that. I've done a lot of contemplation about that. I wonder if that's what kept me up till 3:30. Why would I be so happy, jubilant even, when I became Muslim and not when I became Baha'i? Don't get me wrong, I was happy to become Baha'i, but it was a very different feeling. I think maybe it had something to do with being free from something or not having to suppress some feeling anymore. I had been hiding things I truly believed because Mormons didn't believe them. I don't agree with a lot of stuff that I used to be fanatical about, but it felt good not to hold some of the beliefs about Muhammad (SWS) and about God. When I became Baha'i, it was sort of a moment where I said "finally". I think when I became Baha'i, it was what my life had been leading up to for so long it was more of a relief and a relaxing, peaceful feeling than a overly jubilant feeling. Both of these feelings are just amazing. I think now that the declaration is believing that Baha'ullah is the Promised One, a Manifestation of God, etc., it is more drastic. I used to think that signing the card was the declaration because that's what was implied by many people. Signing a card isn't quite the same as being able to speak the words. I could have, but I don't know. In any case, it wasn't the same feeling. I felt that emotional over the top jubilation yesterday. I felt like I was up to the rafters or something. There's a writing that says that there is no sweeter state of existence than the state of prayer. I didn't put that in quotes because I don't have it in front of me and I'm paraphrasing. Everyone left and the feeling lasted for a long time. So I talked to tasha for a while. I went to bed. I fell asleep at 2:30 and then woke up at 3 and stayed awake until 3:30. I got up at 6:45. I know that's not enough. I know what some of you are thinking. I know that's not enough sleep. I am glad it's more restful though and I still heard my alarm. I got up, took Access and got here with 15 minutes to spare. I had a ride share who didn't show up or dles it would have been earlier. And still, my work was done just as my work hours were starting. So now I have nothing to do and I'm writing because I want to keep thinking. Well, I have about half an hour left and about three e-mails on my work account. I'll go check e-mail and write to y'all later. Take care. Salaam.
Leena

Happy Inauguration Day Part II

Hello again. Well, it's not as quick as I promised, but here it is. So after the mass, we had tamales. I went inside with Mario and he gave me tamales. I was really just feeling strange. I hadn't seen an authentic tamale before and didn't know about the cornhusks. Well, I'd heard about them, but I'd never felt it so I didn't know to take the wrapper off. LOL. After that, we went into his room and had a jam session. He and his cousin did punta music by making the desks, walls, metal pieces sticking out, etc. into drums. It was so incredibly cool. Then he sang some stuff on the guitar. He wrote a song and taught me the piano part. When his little cousins came in, he and I sang Feliz Navidad. Then, he started singing I Will Survive. It was so cool. That's one of my numerous favorite songs. We both sang it together and it was a lto of fun. I felt bad because I thought I was gonna be the last one to leave. He said I'd always be a guest at his house. I was really stupidly ecstatic. I guess I was just hoping we'd become good friends. Anyway, Sunday I was there for part of a baha'i meeting and I felt kinda bad about leaving. I went to my grandma's house since she'd been begging me too for a long while. We had a lot of food, watched tV, and played cards. I beat her at King's Corners almost every time. Mom and Nana also came to visit on Monday. It was kinda fun. Today was the day of Obama's inauguration. Access came really lat, but it took me to work. We watched it in the dorm. First, Aretha was awesome. I wasn't fond of Dr. Rick Warren's invocation. I love John Williams. I think he might spell his first name differently actually, but whatever. He was the writer of the Star Wars Symphony, the Harry Potter music, etc. How awesome is that? He wrote a version of "Simple Gifts" which is a shaker hymn. It was totally fabulous. Obama's speech was also great. The chief Justice screwed up the oath of office and Obama was trying to correct him and both of them got thrown. This is why the title is happy inauguration day. Oh. I must say that the benediction by Dr. Joseph Lowry was fantastic. He cofounded the SCLC with Dr. King. It was amazing. Well, right after the ceremony was finished, Kristin called me. I got mail from the certification board for the braille test I took. Well, I am now an officially certified braille instructor. I had my students and then came home and watched TV. I ate and then got kinda sick so I went into my room and talked to tasha. I watched the end of Dr. Doolitle II with Kristin and then went into my room where I am now finishing this blog post. So now that I'm up to date again, I'm gonna go to bed since it's after midnight and I got no sleep last night. Take care and enjoy the day. carpe diem.
Leena

Happy Inauguration Day

Hey everyone. So I came out of my emotional craziness the same day. Kristin's car didn't get done until Friday. Most of last week was filled with work. Some people came over for Ruhi on Wednesday. Friday was Ana's birthday. It was kinda fun, but I think Ana felt a little weird since it was all adults. Maybe that wasn't it at all, but she sure seemed separated and she told us it was boring. A lot of the family came over and it was really cool to meet them. My-key's friends were also there. I honestly got a bad, nervous feeling about Preston. I couldn't say much about Alex because he didn't even talk to me. Of course, he came in later and kinda sat somewhere and I couldn't tell which one he was so I didn't care too much. It sounds kinda dumb. I mean, I had a good feeling about the other guy she brought over and I was wrong about that too. He could be the nicest guy on Earth, but I had a nervous feeling. Saturday was one of the craziest days ever. I got up at 9 something. I had an appointment at a hair salon at 9:30. I went and was kinda mad because despite having an appointment, I waited for over an hour! So much for Access being able to pick me up. Well, the woman did my hair. I thought my head was gonna get squeezed off! After that, I went to the CCB chapter meeting in L.A. I promised Ken, but I wasn't really looking forward to going. It was really embarrassing. I introduced myself as the braille instructor at JBA and said I've been there for 8 months. Well, Ken took the microphone and started listing my accomplishments. There are just those times when you want to sink into the floor and come back up when everyoe else leaves. After that, I went to the Baha'i Center and tried to help a little bit with Children's Theatre. I was so busy, I didn't get to stay there. I got picked up soon after and I went to Mario's house. I felt really awkward because I was invited to his grandmother's funeral. To me, that's weird. I mean, I liked meeting his family. It felt really awkward being at a Spanish mass because someone from his family was telling me when to sit or stand. Well, I'm sorry but I have to go catch Access. I promise the rest of this update when I get home. Peace and joy to everyone.
Leena

Segregation

Hi again. Okay so I don't usually update twice a day, but this is really needed for my own therapy. Today I felt really segregated from society. Well, somewhat. Work was fine. I was excited to meet our new students and excited at the prospect of going to the reality show tomorrow. I came home and talked to My-key for a minute and then Kristin came home. Apparently, the car still isn't fixed. So we kinda talked and My-key went to do some stuff. Then her friend came. I think these people come from the same category. It's the I've-never-seen-a-blind-person-and-I-don't-know-what-to-do category. This one decided that the best thing to do was act like I wasn't around. Even when I answered the door and say hello he just asks for My-key. Then I let him come in and he walks past me and starts talking to Kristin. My-key introduced me when she got home and I think he might have said something but it was very quiet.We had chicken fried rice for dinner and then he wanted to watch this movie about Muddy Waters. So they all gathered around the laptop. I figured I could join them but there wasn't room and the laptop was so low that it was impossible to hear what anyone was saying. besides that, the movie wasn't very blind friendly anyway. Kristin was really making an effort to include me. She was describing things to me where she could, but since she hadn't seen it, the descriptions seemed confusing. I must say I really appreciate Kristin. She's one of those people in the category of people who don't care about whether someone is sighted or blind. The part that weirded me out was that, for the first time, I really felt uncomfortable being white. I don't really knw why. I mean, I'm the only white person living here and I knew that when I came. I don't feel weird at the baha'i Center or when I went out with the direct teachers group. I've never felt uncomfortable about it until today. And I still don't feel uncomfortable about it with Kristin, Ana, and Kahlil. I don't know. I'm really confused and horrified that that happened. During the movie, someone called me. I didn't answer it because it was a number I didn't know. They leave a message saying that I was no longer needed for the reality show. Needless to say, I was devastated. I tried really hard to watch the rest of the movie but I just got to a point where I knew I needed to make Access and that was a good reason to get out of there so I could reflect. I called them to ask what the reason was. They said that the network had decided to only use blind men. I got kind of annoyed and said something about having to change my cab. He called when I'd been on hold with Access causing them to hang up and me have to call a couple more times before they actually would pick up the phone and not ang up. He offered to send a cab and pay for it but I didn't want him to. He said he'd let me know later if something comes up but I don't know if that's a good idea. I'm very leary of people who change their commitments at the last minute especially for filming purposes. I just decided to stay in my room and play computer games and write in this blog. I guess I segregated myself. I just needed time to think and reflect on stuff. For the record, I don't mean to accuse anyone of racism. I was just mentioning my discomfort at being the only white person because this time it felt very awkward. Well, goodbye for tonight everyone. Peace, love, and happiness to all.
Leena

Update for the Week

Hey everyone. So this last week wasn't the most eventful of weeks. I was mostly at home listening to music with Kristin and My-key. Wednesday a Ruhi class started. It was a Book One and I kinda participated. We ordered from Pizza Moon, this awesome restaurant near us, and I was there waiting for the pizza since I had to sign for it. So I kinda ended up participating mostly in memorizing the quotes. Thursday I was an emotional wreck. I don't really know why. I know that for one thing I was really ticked off because this guy came over and he was talking to Kristin and My-key about their music and about missionaries that came to their doors and stuff. Then he goes "I have a question for this young lady." I thought he was doing that because I was just listening and interjecting very seldom comments. Then he goes "You're blind, right?" I just kinda went "Yeah..." So he goes "I notice you rock back and forth and I was wondering why." I can't remember the last time I wanted to cry, scream, and throw something all at once. Why can't these damn sighties treat me like I'm at least human but preferrably normal? I understand that the guy is very blunt and inquisitive, but it wasn't as much the question as the context. It seemed like I wasn't there even with my interjected comments. After that, everything just set off another emotional storm. I mean everything from Access not having the right time to Tasha not being around when I called. There were other tings, but it was really stupid. So I called Celine and we had a long conversation and she let me vent and cry and whatever. Suddenly, she gets the idea to invite me over the very next day. I was really excited. I was really sad to miss Ruhi and seeing Joe, Allison,and Mario and the rest of the group, but I wanted to leave L.A. for a little while. I just needed a change of scenery. Well, you know what I mean. So first I have to say that I'm really excited for Celine because she got a job. Anyway, I went to Anaheim right after work. I got to go straight there without a ride share. That's the best kind of Access ride. Celine and Mom (that would be her mom, but we're like family so she's Mom) picked me up from OC Braille Institute. We went to her tap class and watched her and Cristina tap. Then we went home and had dinner which was good. It was carnitas and rice. I had ice cream and a cookie for dessert. And before we got home we went to Starbucks and I got my chai. Then we opened up my new microphone. She named it Harvey because it was being difficult. We immediately decided we had to record a solo CD each. Now that I think about it, it was a dumb idea because it meant we didn't have time to do anything else. It was similar to the weekend at my house except for the nature of the songs. I really screwed up my voice in the process though. I recorded 17 songs because I couldn't choose so my voice is still a little screwed up. Saturday we slept until two and kept recording. By the time we were done recording and mixing (I didn't finish because I was so tired and thought I was gonna host Sunday worship) it was 6:00. I lay down and listened to Celine and her friend Rachel talking and fell asleep. I was awakened at 9 by Mom telling us to get ready. Well, I didn't realize what was going on so when Celine got out of the shower and had fed Binny, I had slept for another 45 minutes. I got ready and Mom gave me two croissants with cheese for breakfast as well as some chai and milk and water. She wanted to make sure we had enough fluids and I wanted to make sure I stayed awake during worship. I didn't end up hosting because Access was 45 minutes late. Then, the driver didn't believe I was his customer because I wasn't waiting inside OC Braille. Let me remind everyone that this was Sunday. I got to worship just before the guest speaker. The one who was originally going to speak that I had wanted to host for wasn't there so this woman was filling in. She was really good. Then Kristin sang and the service finished. We had refreshments and then had choir rehearsal. Now as I've said, my voice wasn't happy with me. So we did choir and I was trying to sing at full voice to teach the other altos who were both newer than I was, the part. I like doing that kind of thing but it was a little painful. After that, we went to Taco bell and Ana and I got dinner. Well, it was dinner for me. Ana ate more later. I fell asleep on the couch and Kristin went to take a nap before people came for devotional. As it happened, nobody came. I know I'm hosting it, but I was very grateful. All of us were like zombies except My-key who is allways happy and joking around. I stayed up until 11 because I was trying to find all my stuff that I'd packed. I needed to charge my laptop, check e-mail, charge my phone, and put Harvey somewhere. I've decided to leave him permanently set up on my desk in case I ever just want to record. I'm thinking of reading some of the books I have on Sound Forge so that people who want recordings can have them. I wish Braille or RFB&D would let me do that for them so I wouldn't have to make sure of the legalities of recording the occasional book for a present. Whatever. So I still don't feel like I got enough sleep. Oh my God! I have some really awesome news that I forgot about for a minute. So I'm going to be on TV! I'm gonna be on this reality show. I'm going to this party tomorrow where the contestants have to be the hosts. I'm one of the guest. Isn't that awesome? I'll write all about it when I come home. Well, I'd like to write more and goodness knows I could say a lot, but I need to go read something and get to my staff meeting. Take care all.
Leena

Happy New Year!!!

Greetings to all. If there are any readers who wish to receive e-mails and are not, or if there are readers who are getting e-mails of this blog who wish not to, please let me know by commenting or replying to the e-mail depending on what category you fall into. So the last day I wrote was the Sunday before going home. Monday I got up and got ready to get out of Lancaster. Yay! My mom made breakfast which was very disturbing. Yes. It was a cheese and mashed potato sandwich. The Lancaster bus was late as usual so I waited and left there at 11:30. I got home to find Kristin and Ana playing with the Nintendo Wii. Chique, (just a wild guess on spelling) one of Kristin's voice students was also there with his family. We just decided to hang out. I stayed up late because my sleeping pattern was altered significantly in Lancaster. Tuesday was similar. I waited for J. He called to tell me he couldn't come that day. I think we watched TV and I started working on the Wii a little bit. I think, no I know. That was feast day. Kristin took us to the Baha'i Center for the feast. It was collective so people from all corners of L.A. and the valley came. Wednesday was a bit busy. In the morning, we took Access to the drugstore so Kristin could get some stuff. We all gut Starbucks. Then we came home and did some home visits. In fact, I think that's what we did Monday too, but the days blurred together. That might have been when I met Miss Bertha but that could have been Tuesday too. Anyway, we did some home visits on Wednesday. I came because I love doing that and some of the places had Spanish speakers. We were trying to invite people for our New Year's Day gathering we were having the next day. Well, J. had said he was an hour away so I asked him to call when they were almost to my house. Well, they called when they were there so Kristin rushed me back to the house to meet them. J. and his girlfriend Constance came over to visit. It was really nice finally getting to meet J. I'd been talking to him on the phone for 4 years plus and we'd never met. During the visit, my friend Tasha came over. She was spending the night for the New Year's party we had. We stayed and talked for a while. We all stayed up until midnight and watched Disney Channel. We had sparkling cider. Yum. Then Tasha and I went into my room and played our roleplaying game. The next day was New Year's. We got up and talked for a while. The gathering was supposed to start at 2. It started at 3 or 3:30. We had macaroni, chicken, jamboliya or however you spell it, and several desserts like peach cobbler and red velvet cake. We played Taboo and that was really fun. Our team didn't win, but we only lost by a point both times. I did fairly well. After everyone left, Tasha and I went back to my room and stayed up until like 4 or so. She wanted to get some sleep since she had to leave my house at 10:15. I had an appointment at 2, so I got up right after she left and got ready. I talked to Kristin because I was really nervous. We went to the bank to get my rent money before I had to leave. I almost missed Access. They were getting ready to leave when I had three minutes to spare. That's not a good way to plan, but that's how it happened. The appointment went really well. It's this balancing thing where you program empowering statements into your subconscious. One of mine included "I sleep peacefully." For those who know me well, that's one of the hardest ones I had. I came home and we got ready for Ruhi. Carlos was coming over. We thought Mario was too. He called and said he couldn't because he was in Brentwood. I was a little upset because I'd finally gotten up my nerve to ask him to dinner and/or a movie. Anyway, we didn't do Ruhi and Carlos hung out and watched Disney shows with us. He left and for whatever reason, I forgot now, Ana and I started play fighting. She would try to poke me with something whether it be a baseball bat or a mic stand. I'd try to catch her. That girl is fast. I've gotten her before, but not a lot. OMG! I remember Monday now. LOL. My-key and I did a martial arts lesson. She showed me how to reverse punch, stop someone from grabbing my wrists in front or behind, and to stop someone from choking me. It's very useful information. Anyway, I had to go to bed soon after the play fighting. I got up and we got ready to go to Children's Theatre. Kristin, Ana, and I were taking Access. They were late so we got there late. I was really happy because I got to help Kristin teaching the kids to sing. We went to Taco Bell afterwards because Access had another hour after CTC ended. Then we went home and relaxed. Oh. Duh. We planned to go to Taco Bell but we both decided that Subway would be better. Sunday we took Access again to Sunday worship. We got there late. Kristin, My-key, and I sang songs. Then we went home with Susan so we didn't have to wait for Access. I was hosting a devotional so we were getting ready for that. Carlos came early on Access. Mario changed his mind again because he was in another city. I wanted to ask him in person not over the phone, but I might not have a choice. I got an okay amount of sleep that night. Clearly since I'm here and not falling asleep while I write. So today I'm working and I only had two students. I was supposed to have four, but two were absent. Amy, I hope you plan to volunteer. I know that today wasn't busy, but most Mondays are insane! The students have a guest speaker and I chose not to go because I'm kinda tired and I know exactly what will happen. I don't want to seem rude and it's not mandatory for us to go. Well, that's all I have. Not much is happening today that I know of. Talk to you later and happy New Year to all. Peace.
Leena